Wintertime Blues

I love the idea of blogging and sharing what I do and what I find interesting with the world.  My hope in doing so, is that it will inspire others to follow suit in doing what they love in addition to connecting me with other interesting people.  The problem is, I get side tracked, life happens and it's been 5 months since I've had a blog post.  That doesn't make for being a good blogger.  Sometimes I get really excited and I have fabulous things to share, other times I just have too much to do in other areas of my life, that blogging takes a back seat. 
In recent months, I changed jobs.  It was an awesome change and one that I am extremely happy with.  However, I had no idea how difficult it would be for me to go from working "whenever" to suddenly having a M-F, 7am-3:30pm (-ish) job.  Set schedules, at least for me, take quite a bit of time to get used to.  Getting up earlier to make sure I get everything done before I leave, getting home around 4pm and having, if I'm lucky, an hour of daylight left.  Then after you do whatever it is that you need to do, make dinner, clean up etc... it's dark out, it's 8pm and you're practically ready for bed because you have to get up so early to do it again tomorrow.  Doesn't sound like all that much, but it's literally taken me almost 6 months to adjust - and I think a lot of that is because it's finally starting to stay lighter, longer, so I feel like I have more time.
We are still renting, but we've finally started taking the steps to move out and buy a house. 
I've become completely disenchanted with my living situation.  My neighbor gets on my nerves at least once a day, her dogs have completely destroyed the back yard to the point that I don't even want to go out there anymore which makes my home feel that much smaller.  And then, this COLD.  It's painful to be outside.  Yesterday it was 18 and it felt warm.  WARM!  It's obnoxious.  I feel like a caged animal a lot of the time and I just don't want to do anything, I'm so frustrated.  I look at houses and fantasize about a small homestead, a garden, chickens, maybe a milk goat or two, and SPACE.  Lot's of space.  And no neighbors.  Being able to do laundry when we want to, pull into the driveway and not have to move for anyone.  Let the dogs out when I want and not have to worry because her dogs are out there.  I want a large kitchen with a pantry and a root cellar.  I want my own office.  I want space to meditate and do yoga.  I want a porch to sit on and look at the stars and have quiet.
There are days where I am so frustrated with everything, I don't want to do anything.  I've finally started sewing again and I got my Etsy page up and running (after like a 5 month hiatus.)  I've started my studies up again, too.  In the wintertime it's a lot of reading and working with dried herbs.  I've been compiling my own Materia Medica and putting together recipes I want to try when the snow finally melts and I have access to fresh plants again.  I'm finally starting to feel like there is a light at the end and then on Thursday, my dog, Roxy passed away.  Whoa. 
She started to have noticeable trouble breathing on Tuesday, but once she would settle down, she would return to normal.  I attributed it mostly to being 14, the bitterly cold weather and the fact that we haven't gotten as much exercise as we normally do because it's been so G.D. cold outside.  By Thursday when I got home from work it was bad ( I had been treating her with some Oil of Oregano and mullien, hoping it was a respiratory infection).  I rushed her to the vet and they got her on oxygen - Dr. Lamb (best vet ever!) was hopefully, but concerned.  Unfortunately, it was not to be.  A few hours later, we made the decision and she passed.  I was/am deeply saddened by the entire event, but I'm happy and satisfied with how it happened.  She was an amazing dog who had 14 great years. In her last week she got one more walk in and her last meal was chicken.  She was home right up until the end and she was sleeping when she passed.  There was no pain, there was no long, drawn out demise.  She just, went.  That is how it should be for everybody.  We when do finally (hopefully sooner rather than later) find our homestead, I plan on spreading her ashes and planting a green bean patch there (her favorite food.)
She was our only dog, so my house is incredibly quiet now.  It's still Jason, myself and my two turtles and tortoise but it's very lonely.  I find myself desperately longing to have a fuzzy head to scratch or a belly to rub.  Last night I was chopping broccoli and there was no one to throw the crunchy stalks too (Roxy LOVED vegetables.)  But, like I said, despite my sadness, I'm happy and content with the end of her story.  She was a beautiful creature.
So, in a nutshell, that is where I have been.  I imagine I'll be intermittent with my blogging until we get set up in our new home, plants start poking up and it's above freezing outside.